Satan (Santana) Knows Best
by BonesFABERRY
Summary: Santana always knows when something juicy is going on. What happens when Rachel is the one that makes her radar blip? And what does Quinn has to do with this? Mentions of Faberry. (Kind of) Rachel centric.
1. Version 1

**Hey guys! I know I know, it's been a really long time since I have updated How To Save A Life, Turning Tables and the other two (Take Me or Leave Me & Back To Me), I won't tell you that I didn't have time or something like that, the truth is that I haven't forgotten about those stories but my problem is that I have so many ideas that I don't know how to put them on paper, so I get stuck. I'm rewriting Turning Tables because I didn't liked how it was going, so just wait for it to come in a month or two, as far as the other ones, the wait'll be a little longer.**

**This one-shot is a little thing that I wrote for fun a few months ago. I tried to do something different so tell me what you think.**

**PS. There's a chance that this could become a long story, but I'm not exactly sure.**

**Without further ado...**

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_**Satan (Santana) Knows Best.**_

Santana was in the choir room after a boring and exhausting day, while the rest of the Glee Clubbers where doing what they usually do: sing, dance, talk and gossip

**Santana (S):** -discreetly glances at "Bartie" -_Gross_._ How is it possible? - _Frowns- _I'm the hottest piece of action at this school and here I am single _– scoffs and rolls eyes –_Whatever-_ looks around the choir room- _Wait_- looking back at Quinn- _that's weird_.

**Quinn (Q): **-smirks at what Sam said into her ear-

**S:** _Quinn's wearing her queen bitch smirk and…_ - follows Quinn's line of sight

**Rachel (R): **-singing with Mike while subtly staring and winking at Quinn-

**S: **_…uh. Holy Sweet Hell! They're fooling around! _–smirks wickedly- _I better do something about it. _

After Glee was over, Santana waited for everyone to leave the room; as always, Rachel was the last to leave but she was stopped by Santana's hand on her shoulder

**S: **Wait a second dwarf

**R:** -rolls eyes at Santana's nickname for her- First things first, I would highly advice you to remove your hand of my shoulder in this instant unless you want me to contact the ACLU, tell them you're sexually harassing me, and thus, losing any chance for an scholarship in the near future- when Santana removed her hand she continued- Second, I have the need to point that you're one or two inches taller than me and if that's the case, you're a dwarf too- she snorted at the look in Santana's face- Don't look so surprised, I have…

**S:** Been around the Ice Queen for a long time that she has rubbed on you?- interrupts and smirks at Rachel's blush- Oh, don't look so surprised! I'm glad we're on the same page short stack, because that's the reason we are still here- crosses arms

**R:** Ex-excuse me? -stutters- I-I don't know what you're talking about- looks around nervously

**S: **You are sure you don't really know? –raises eyebrow- Well, I think I'll have to tell someone else about what Quinn told me about you…-trails off and starts walking away

**R:** Wait!- shouts- What did Quinn tell you? Did she admit that she likes me? Is she going to take me out on a date? Oh dear Moses- puts a hand over her racing heart- Is she going to ask me to be her girlfriend? Is she…- stops when she sees Santana's devilish smirk- What are you smirking at?

**S:** You just told me what I wanted to know- approached Rachel- Listen to me dwarf, I'm going to give you some friendly advice and you better follow it, ok?

**R: **I promise I'll listen,I just want to be with her- smiles-

**[Cuts to the girl's restroom]**

(_Santana_, Rachel)

_You want to [be with her]-_Rachel nods-_ Why, [Treasure Trail]!_- pushes Rachel in front of the mirror- _Look at you, as fragile as [your shire]_ –caresses Rachel's face-_Still a little[midget], just a [dwarf]_- gets away from Rachel and sits down in one of the sinks-_ You know why [you cant' be with her]_- gives Rachel a knowing look

I know but…- shuts up when she feels a finger on her lips

_That's right, to [avoid you being laughed at, dwarf]_- jumps off the sink- _Guess I always knew this day was coming_- sighs dramatically

**[Cuts to the hallway]**

_Knew that soon you'd want_-stares at Quinn, who is a few feet away from them taking some books out of her locker-_ [into Fabray's pants]…Soon, but not yet_- gives a light and playful touch to Rachel's nose

But…- complains a little loudly, which gets Quinn's attention

_Shh!- _takes her hand and drags Rachel away into an abandoned classroom- _Trust me, [RuPaul]_- lets go of Rachel- _[Satan] knows best, [Satan] knows best_

**R:** -sighs-

_Listen to [Satan]. It's a [guaranteed heartbreak], [Satan] knows best._

**[Cuts to Gym Class]**

_One way or another- _dodges a ball that was coming her way -_something will go wrong, I swear_- watches as Rachel gets hit on the face by a ball

Ouch- complains loudly while sitting on the stands-

_Loneliness, lies_- sits down next to Rachel_-Cheating, humiliation_- watches Rachel watching Quinn- _Depression and tears…_

**[Cuts to AP History class]**

_Heartbreak…_

No!- shouts loudly

_Yes!_

-Ms. Berry and Ms. Lopez, is there something you want to share with the class?- the teacher asked

Both girls shake their heads

But…**- **Rachel whispered

**[Cuts to Rachel's room]**

_[More nicknames, slushies of every color], and…_-stops braiding Rachel's hair-_ Stop, no more, you'll upset me_- sighs dramatically- _[Satan's] right here_- puts chin on Rachel's shoulder-_ [Satan] will protect you_- kisses Rachel's on the cheek-_ [Dwarfy], here's what I suggest_- gets up and stands in front of Rachel- _Skip the drama, stay with [Tana]_- winks-_ [Satan] knows best_

**[Cuts to the choir room]**

Rachel was admiring Quinn intently, a sigh leaves her mouth

_Go ahead_- gestures with her hand- _Get trampled by [the Queen]. Go ahead_- gestures again- _get [your heart smashed and broken in half]-_ rests head on Rachel's shoulder- _Me, I'm just your [best friend], what do I know?_- shrugs

**[Cuts to the Berry's living room]**

_I only [taught you what you know and protected you]_- says while looking through an album-_Go ahead and leave me, I deserve it-_ closes album abruptly- _Let me [here] alone, be my guest-_ gets up the floor- _When it's too late. You'll see, just wait_- points with her finger-_ [Satan] knows best, [Satan] knows best. _– helps Rachel to get up-_ Take it from your bestie. [With her], you'll be so sad _

**[Cuts to the park]**

_[Sad, miserable]_- sits down on a bench- _[Immature, vulnerable] Please, the school will eat you up alive_- invites Rachel to sit next to her -_Gullible, naïve, [insanely small], ditzy and a bit, well_- pauses-_Mmm_- hesitates- _vague_

**[Cuts to Rachel's bedroom]**

_Plus, I believe_- lays dow_n next to Rachel- Gettin' kinda chubby- _cuddles up to Rachel_-I'm just saying 'cause I wuv you_- says in a small voice- _[Tana] understands, [Tana's] here to help you_- sighs- _All I have is one request, [Rachel]?_

Yes?- yawns

_Don't ever ask to [be with her again]_

Yes, [Tana]

_I love you very much, [star]_- sweetly kisses her on top of her head

I love you more.- closes eyes

_I love you most, don't forget it, you'll regret it_- yawns_- [Satan] knows best_- whispers before falling sleep

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**Got you! Bet you didn't expected that :) I hope you liked and see you soon my dear friends.**

**(Btw... you can follow me on Tumblr [another-shipper . tumblr . com] and Twitter [ Anothershipper])**

***I don't own Glee (and its characters) or songs used in this fic.**


	2. Version 2

**First of all this is not a second chapter, just the first one but in another format since I got some people saying that they couldn't understand it. Also this is going to be the drill: this story is the first part of a series of one-shots of the road that Quinn and Rachel have to take before getting together- with the help of Santana. And I'm going to be using Disney songs (or from some animated movies and cartoons) and change the lyrics so it can fit what I'm hoping to achieve. If you have questions just message me and all that jazz.**

**The brackets [] meant that those words were changed, I have removed them from this version.**

**And the [Cuts to (location)] mean that they're somewhere else... imagine it like it's a music video...you know what I mean?**

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**Satan (Santana) Knows Best.**

Santana was in the choir room after a boring and exhausting day, while the rest of the Glee Clubbers where doing what they usually do: sing, dance, talk and gossip; she discreetly glances at "Bartie".

_Gross_._ How is it possible?, _she frowns, _I'm the hottest piece of action at this school and here I am single, _she lets out a scoff while rolling her eyes, _Whatever, _looking around the choir room, finding nothing interesting until…

_Wait_, Santana looks back at Quinn, who is smirking at whatever sweet and mushy stuff Sam is saying into her ear. _That's weird_. _Quinn's wearing her queen bitch smirk and…_

Santana follows Quinn's eyes and almost gasps when she sees Rachelsinging with Mike while subtly staring and winking at Quinn.

…_Uh. Holy Sweet Hell! They're fooling around!_ Santana smirks wickedly; _I better do something about it. _

After Glee was over, Santana waited for everyone to leave the room; as always, Rachel was the last to leave but she was stopped by Santana's hand on her shoulder

"Wait a second dwarf" Santana said

Rachel rolled eyes at Santana's nickname for her "First things first, I would highly advice you to remove your hand of my shoulder in this instant unless you want me to contact the ACLU, tell them you're sexually harassing me, and thus, losing any chance for an scholarship in the near future" when Santana removed her hand she continued "Second, I have the need to point that you're one or two inches taller than me and if that's the case, you're a dwarf too" she snorted at the look in Santana's face "Don't look so surprised, I have…"

"Been around the Ice Queen for a long time that she has rubbed on you?" Santana interrupted and grinned when Rachel blushed "Oh, don't look so surprised! I'm glad we're on the same page short stack, because that's the reason we are still here"

"Ex-excuse me?" Rachel stuttered "I-I don't know what you're talking about" the brunette singer looked around nervously, trying to find a way to escape the Latina's wrath.

" You are sure you don't really know?" Santana tried to contain her smile as she raised her eyebrow at the trembling brunette "Well, I think I'll have to tell someone else about what Quinn told me about you…" she turned around and trailed off while walking away, letting out a little smile when Rachel shouted.

"Wait!" the brunette shouted, running after Santana "What did Quinn tell you? Did she admit that she likes me? Is she going to take me out on a date? Oh dear Moses!" she exclaimed while putting a hand over her racing heart "Is she going to ask me to be her girlfriend? Is she…" she suddenly stopped she saw Santana's devilish smirk "What are you smirking at?"

"You just told me what I wanted to know" she slowly approached Rachel "Listen to me dwarf, I'm going to give you some friendly advice and you better follow it, ok?"

"I promise I'll listen,I just want to be with her" Rachel smiled like every other fool that has been in love.

**[Cuts to the girl's restroom]**

(_Santana_, **Rachel**)

"_You want to be with her" _Rachel nodded.

"_Why, Treasure Trail!_" Santana pushed Rachel in front of the mirror "_Look at you, as fragile as your shire" _she caressed Rachel's face, making the brunette shiver "_Still a little midget, just a dwarf_" getting away from Rachel, she sat down in one of the sinks "_You know why you can't be with her_" she gave Rachel a knowing look

"**I know but…**" Rachel shut up when she felt a finger on her lips

"_That's right, to avoid you being laughed at, dwarf_. _Guess I always knew this day was coming_" Santana jumped off the sink before sighing dramatically

**[Cuts to the hallway]**

"_Knew that soon you'd want_" they stared at Quinn, who was a few feet away from them taking some books out of her locker_ "into Fabray's pants…Soon, but not yet_" she gave a light and playful touch to Rachel's nose

"**But…**" Rachel complained a little loudly, which makes Quinn's perk up and look around.

"_Shh!" _the Latina quicklytook her hand and dragged Rachel away into an abandoned classroom "_Trust me, RuPaul_" she let go of Rachel "_Satan knows best, Satan knows best" _Rachel sighed and crossed her arms "_Listen to Satan. It's a guaranteed heartbreak, Satan knows best."_

**[Cuts to Gym Class]**

"_One way or another" _Santana dodged a ball that was coming her way "_something will go wrong, I swear_" watched as Rachel got hit on the face by a ball

"**Ouch!**" Rachel complained loudly, rubbing her nose while sitting on the stands

"_Loneliness, lies_" sitting down next to Rachel, and watching her watching Quinn "_Cheating, humiliation_. _Depression and tears…"_

**[Cuts to AP History class]**

"_Heartbreak…"_

"**No!**"

"_Yes!"_

"Ms. Berry and Ms. Lopez, is there something you want to share with the class?" the teacher asked

Both girls shook their heads

"**But…**" Rachel whispered

**[Cuts to Rachel's room]**

"_More nicknames, slushies of every color, and…_" Santana stopped braiding Rachel's hair "_Stop, no more, you'll upset me_" she sighed dramatically for the what seemed to be the umpteenth time in this day "_Satan's right here_" she hugged Rachel from behind and put her chin on Rachel's shoulder "_[Satan] will protect you_" kisses Rachel's on the cheek "_Dwarfy, here's what I suggest_" getting up and standing in front of Rachel "_Skip the drama, stay with Tana_" Santana winked before twirling around the room "_Satan knows best"_

**[Cuts to the choir room]**

Rachel was admiring Quinn intently, a sigh left her mouth.

"_Go ahead" _she gestured with her hand "_Get trampled by the Queen. Go ahead get [your heart smashed and broken in half]" _she rested her head on Rachel's shoulder "_Me, I'm just your best friend, what do I know?_" Santana shrugged before standing and pulling Rachel up with her.

**[Cuts to the Berry's living room]**

"_I only taught you what you know and protected you_" she said while looking through an album "_Go ahead and leave me, I deserve it" _Santana closed the album abruptly before getting up the floor "_Let me here alone, be my guest._ _When it's too late. You'll see, just wait_" she pointed with her finger in a (not so) menacing way "_Satan knows best, Satan knows best"_ extending her hand for Rachel to take, she helps her to get up "_Take it from your bestie. With her, you'll be so sad"_

**[Cuts to the park]**

"_Sad, miserable_" Santana sat down on a bench "_Immature, vulnerable Please, the school will eat you up alive_" and invited Rachel to sit next to her "_Gullible, naïve, insanely small, ditzy and a bit, well_" she paused and "_Mmm_" hesitated for a second "_vague…"_

**[Cuts to Rachel's bedroom]**

"_Plus, I believe"_ Santana laid down next to Rachel "_Gettin' kinda chubby" _cuddling with Rachel before saying in a really small and childish voice "_I'm just saying 'cause I wuv you_."

"_Tana understands, Tana's here to help you" _she sighed "_All I have is one request, Rachel?"_

"**Yes?**" Rachel yawned

"_Don't ever ask to be with her again"_

"**Yes, Tana**"

"_I love you very much, star_" she kissed her sweetly on the top of her head

"**I** **love you more**" Rachel closed her eyes

"_I love you most, don't forget it, you'll regret it_" she yawned_ "Satan knows best_" she whispered before falling sleep.

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**Is it better this way? Maybe it could help if you told me what confuses you or makes it unreadable.**

***I don't own Glee nor the songs used in this fic.**

**Song: Mother Knows Best from the movie Tangled.**


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